I’m fucking addicted to Facebook. Ode to the Facebook

10:21am
Milennial awakens.
Milennial does not know concept of privacy or morning routines.
Let’s post this thought on Facebook.

11:03am
Still on Facebook.
Posts selfie. I am so pretty.
Caption reads: “Here is me next to a bird man stabbing a helpless creature, at MIT.”
I am so pretty.

11:31am
Goes down to get tea.
I am in a really nice house. For free. I’m so fortunate. Do I realize that yet?
I wonder if I should post this status on Facebook.

1:00pm
Meeting a friend
This friend is really important to me. Helped me so much in my life,
I wonder how many details I should share about that on Facebook.

3:30pm 
We say good-bye. With a selfie.
I post it on Facebook. (What kind of funny caption should I put? Be witty. Be cool.)
I say, “This guy makes me not want to kill myself.”

Next day:

4:30am
My travels are over. Going to the airport.
I could post a status about it. But I kind of want to suffer in peace.
Why does nobody think I am as important as my Facebook statuses?
Nobody cares.

I wonder what I should stop posting on Facebook.

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