Hormones are great. They kind of dictate my entire life from 12 years old to 60.
I’ve always had mood swings, severely. Eventually they became mental disorders. Then the mental disorder went away and now it is just suicide thoughts every month. But even that got shifted around to other weeks from all the shifting and brain changing happening to me as I increase my brain health through therapy, dancing, writing.
I like PMSing. I don’t know why. I love having my period. I love spending time in this phase. I never understood why other women were so obsessed with hiding it. Blood release fascinates me. So do the ups and downs of my mood changes throughout the month. Tracking my cycle and mood is like the best form of scientific inquiry. I use the scientifically validated, Fertility Awareness Method, to do that.
Women are not men. We are not simplistic in the reproductive way, but that doesnt mean we shouldnt be appreciated. Figuring out the female is the most creatively challenging and inquisitively fulfilling scientific endeavor I’ve had. And I do physics. Being female is explosively beautiful, since the female form is so wondrous and full of complexity. She is dark, yet mysterious. I am wanting to figure out why she gets quiet during the pre-moontime days. How does that impact my psychology, I wonder? How do cycles help me gain insight with my body and psychology? How does this complex process make me distinctively unique? How can I enhance the process so that I can learn to love and care for it and assert it next to a grown man?
If he tells me he prefers me one way, I laugh. You are cute, I say. The female is not that simple. Your understanding is elementary at best. Let me teach you. If a man doesn’t want to learn, he is boring.
Being female, I realize, my hormones and menstruation is not going to go away. Rather than hiding it with birth control pills, I choose just using the emotional tools of acceptance that I bleed each month and the emotional tool of love that I respect my body has this time to do its thing, to which I am uncertain about the extent of its importance to me, but I’d like to keep the process around to learn. If a man gets upset that he can’t enjoy sex with me during that time, then he must realize that the world is not all about him and his desires. Mature women should set him in place. Be advocates for our biology, day in and day out. Whether we prefer our hair or our blood. Do not erase womanhood if that is truly not what you want.